2017

It was a sad year—the first full year without Bangsiri. All my Facebook memories of her were memories of memories.

For a while I’ve been meaning to write about my online conversation with Devon Golden, an animal communicator I found through a referral from a member of Korea’s vegan community. Devon isn’t certified yet and is doing free readings until he gains certification. I’m skeptical about psychic phenomena, so I take all of this with a grain of salt.

Anyway, I sent Devon a picture of Bangsiri and he got back to me a few days later. He said he’d reached her and that she was in a peaceful place.

“When speaking with animals who have passed over, there is an immense peaceness that can be felt,” he wrote. “A lightness that cannot be described. I’d like you to keep that in mind as we move forward.”

What followed was only partially accurate. Devon said Bangsiri had had a difficult life before meeting me.

“She lived with you for around nine years,” he wrote, “and passed over at the age of around 13–15.”

This first part was somewhat true, but not entirely. Bangsiri lived at a crowded shelter for three years before we found each other in 2008. We lived together for eight and a half years, and she was probably closer to sixteen or seventeen when she died. (Based on the opinions of vets who examined her many times and performed many tests.)

“It seems she passed over due to an accident,” he wrote. “I see an accident (possibly car related) followed by a picture of her being euthanized at a clinic. She wants you to know that she holds no blame over anyone, whether it be you or somebody else, and that you shouldn’t worry about it anymore as she is peaceful.”

This part left me questioning. As I’ve written before, Bangsiri was euthanized at a clinic after her health problems escalated to the point where the vets didn’t think further treatment was in her best interests. There was no obvious accident that I know of, but there could have been an accident that went undetected. Something could have happened to her when she was home alone, when she was at the local animal hospital and I was at work, or even when I was asleep. It also occurred to me that she might have been injured while riding in her stroller in the back of a taxi one night, after we arrived late for a vet appointment and missed the last subway train back home. The injury may have gone undetected until it was too late. Two days before she died I was told she had a painful tail fracture, and I still have no idea how it happened.

But Devon’s reading changed after I wrote back to fill in those details and ask more questions. In a follow-up message, he wrote, “Bangsiri had a family before the shelter. She was, however, abandoned by the family as they put her outside the car and drove away. . . . What I had previously mistaken as a car accident was actually this image.”

He said Bangsiri was grateful to me for giving her a home, but that she missed her first family.

“Bangsiri does indeed miss her very first owners even though they abandoned her (animals are very forgiving),” Devon wrote, “and she particularly misses a little girl in the family. However, she is very thankful to you for providing a comfortable life for the remainder of her life.

“Bangsiri does, however, want you to move on knowing that she is in complete peace. She feels that you are still holding onto her, but she wants you to know that she is in peace and that you can also find peace now that you know she is in peace.”

He said more than what I’ve shared here. Some of what he said was wrong, some was right, and a lot was impossible to verify. He said she was too “stubborn” to answer detailed questions and that he felt he was disturbing her by questioning her.

It’s hard to know what to make of all this, but I greatly appreciate Devon’s time and his hard work. I would like to believe my angel is out there watching over us and that she really is at peace as Devon says.

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